Ambivalence rears its ugly head

Today I received yet another postcard from one of my closest friends who is studying/working abroad. This one was from Stockholm and I will happily add it to my list of ones from Amsterdam, Barcelona, Budapest, etc. Every time I get that precious piece of mail, I expect one each time that she jets to another country, I am reminded of how much I love traveling and wish to be alongside my best friend exploring different geographical masses of the world. And yet, I am here in Boston, working aimlessly for no real good reason except to pay rent and support my semi-lavish style.

I remember when I had just come back from Argentina, I had this incredible feeling of lightness and detachment from the daily grind that most of us are forced to deal with. I remember feeling that I wanted to travel forever and never have to settle down. I was sure that I would conjure up ways to be abroad and traveling once again. But then I slowly started to lose that feeling of freedom and started to become comfortable again and decided to graduate a year later, where is the rush I thought? I signed a year-long lease, accepted furniture from a friend to take care of/use, and of course, how can I ever again leave the one thing that I love most in this world, Edwin, my cat. Besides Edwin, now there's a new someone in my life to love, who I have tried to keep at a distance but at the same time loved every time we got closer emotionally and now there is no going back. I never realized before how comforting it feels to be able to settle down in a cute apartment with cute furniture in a place that I now call home, Boston. However, as graduation approaches and I keep receiving lovely reminders of how much of the world I still have not seen, I am forced to ask myself questions that don't have simple answers and frankly, that I do not want to answer. I just want to be able to take my little bubble of comfort with me everywhere I go.